Surrendering to His Will

Dear Mom and Dad,

It’s hard to believe we celebrated Easter Sunday just a few days ago. These past few months have flown by pretty quickly. It seems like not long ago, Lent had just begun and I decided to give up online shopping for clothes for myself. Sadly, I failed at my personal Lenten sacrifice but I did grow in faith in other ways and so did the kids.

I remember when I was younger priding myself in my ability to give up something like a particular variety of chips or fruit snacks or something like that. I even gave up my beloved Starbucks one year but it was kind of easy at the time because there wasn’t a Starbucks closer than an hour’s drive. It seemed easy to make that sacrifice and stick with it. For the longest time, I thought Lent was just about giving something up and not eating meat on Fridays. I never realized that one of the biggest purposes of Lent is the part where we are meant to grow in faith through our own suffering and sacrifice. I have also recently come to learn that instead of giving something up, I could add something to my prayer life to help me grow in faith.

I’ve been wondering lately if you knew any of that. I’ve been wondering whether or not you felt like one particular season of Lent was harder than others even when you gave up the simplest thing. That maybe, it wasn’t hard because of what you chose to give up but, rather, it was hard because of how God challenged you to grow. That’s how I’ve felt this year.

I can’t remember if I shared with you both or not but my word of the year this year is surrender. More than ever in these past few months, I’ve been challenged to surrender it all to Him, our Heavenly Father. In surrendering, I’ve recently softened my heart to the idea that my original concept and plan for my book about losing you both is not His plan. This is a pretty big deal because I’ve had one particular title in mind from the beginning and have been pretty inflexible with the idea of changing it. But, in surrendering the entire project to Him, He is showing me that it is meant to be so much more than I originally thought and the story is ever-evolving according to His will. A few years ago, this wasn’t possible. A few years ago, I would have maintained my stance of stubbornness and not seen the beauty that He is bringing to light simply through my surrendering.

This year, I’m considering my Lent a success even though I failed to follow through on my Lenten sacrifice. I’m considering it a success because of my willingness and desire to surrender more easily and allow Him to take the reigns. If I had continued to measure the success of my Lent based on whether or not I was able to fulfill my Lenten sacrifice, I would not have seen the kids grow in faith, hope, and love. I would not have experienced the comfort and joy of Easter morning as I did this year when we all attended Easter Sunday mass together. Had I not deepened my own understanding of suffering and sacrifice, I would not have appreciated the resurrection Easter morning and felt an overwhelming sense of peace because His plan is always better than mine can ever be.

And now I wonder: Did either of you ever feel that peace while you were still here on earth? Were you ever able to fully surrender to His will?

Anyways, I love you both very much and pray I will know the answer one day when we are reunited in Heaven with our Father. Until we meet again, God bless!

Love,

Jenni