Embracing Your Fiat

Dear Mom and Dad,

I began this year coming from a place of humility and entering into a year of surrender. I always seem to find myself learning more and more about God’s will for my life through this practice of discerning a word of the year and, wow, this year has been a doozy. I know you already know all about it but, somehow writing to you helps. I’ve needed you both so much this year, as I have faced so many emotional, physical, and spiritual challenges. I feel like I’ve been ripped to shreds and at times, I’ve felt so desolate and so alone. Did you ever feel like that? Did you feel alone? Did you ever feel abandoned, like an orphan? Did you ever feel unworthy of God’s love? I still wish I could talk to you in these moments, especially the really dark ones when I just want you both to hold me, tell me you love me, and that everything is going to be ok. I wish I could go back in time to when I was your little girl and could sit in your lap while you comforted me because even though I’m a grown woman, I still need that love and tenderness. 

Sometimes I wonder what it is, exactly that God wants from me and through Mary’s fiat, I think I’ve finally figured it out. He just wants my “yes”. He just wants me to surrender it all to Him. He wants me to say yes to Him and by saying yes to Him, I am saying yes to whatever He has in store for me. Did you ever get to that point in your life?

I hope you’re proud of me. I know I keep asking but will you continue to intercede for me? I don’t know that I’ll ever stop asking you or the communion of saints to intercede for me. I know now that I can ask Mary too. I love you both and miss you.

Until we meet again, God bless.

Love,

Jennifer